baby fever – an original spoken word poem about motherhood, anxieties, and abuse

an honest poem.

Poetry Reading: Landscape (original)

Reading aloud Landscape – an original poem on looking inward.

Landscape (original) Reading

baby fever

I never want to be a mother.
Even though,
I love to teach,
and I yearn to help a child
see life through the lens of beauty.

I never want to be a mother.
How could I be a good parent,
when I never learned the ways,
from my mother who once said:
“You were the biggest mistake
I have ever made.”

I don’t want to be a mother,
but I do
want to cook for a child and say:
“Look at all the different ways
that you can make eggs;
which one do you like the best,
my love?”

My Promise to You

I will always be honest and open;
I will always write from the heart.
You will never see ads on my site,
except for the crafts I make by my own hand.
I will not deceive or mislead you,
and I will try my best to be kind.


I have no poetry in me;
in me, there are valleys
full of dark memories,
there are rivers foaming against the rocks,
full of incomprehensible thoughts and anxieties.

In me, there are mountains,
made of challenges I am yet to overcome;
struggles with my sense of self-worth,
fear of the unknown,
a cruel view of my own self.

There are dark clouds made of past mistakes,
threatening and ominous,
obscuring a blue sky full of hope,
the sun shines through,
and love endures.

My Favorite Notebook💕

Let me start by stating that I am not getting paid, nor have I received anything for free, to write this review. Journaling more or less consistently since May of 2016, I have searched far and wide for notebooks that meet the following expectations:

  • Thick, bleedproof pages
  • Smooth paper texture (to avoid damage to my brush markers)
  • Dot grid that aligns well across pages (preferably 5mm)
  • Hardcover
  • Numbered pages
  • Elastic cover band

The list above covers what’s most important to me in a notebook that I plan to use for daily journaling. I don’t care for “Key” and “Index” pages, but I don’t mind them if they’re there. I love the option of having satin bookmarks, but they’re not essential. Back pockets and pen loops are nice, but also not essential when it comes to my use of a notebook.

My past journals

My favorite size for daily journaling is A5, so all of the following notebooks were in that size. My first “bullet” journal was a black Moleskine with square grid pages. The paper was thin, but it was a well-constructed notebook and it withstood my heavy use. Then, I tried Leuchtturm1917 dotted notebooks, and I loved the smooth paper texture and sleek hardcover design, even though the pages had heavy ghosting due to the thin paper. During my search for a notebook that would withstand heavy artistic use, I also bought the Archer & Olive Watercolor Notebook this year, swayed by the flood of blog and social media posts raving about the brand. I was extremely displeased with the notebook, but they have excellent customer service; I was refunded in full. I tried a Vivid Scribbles notebook, and the main issue I had with that one was that the grid did not align well across pages, even though the paper quality was good.

📕 Tekukor 160 gsm Notebook Review

I first saw Tekukor notebooks mentioned in a review by Pam from Stationery Nerd. Her review was very detailed and informative. I wanted to try this notebook immediately! I ordered one and loved it so much that I bought 5 of them 🤓

My Tekukor Notebooks

After using this notebook for the past month or so, I can recommend it with the utmost confidence to anyone looking for a 160gsm notebook, for the following reasons:

  • Thick, bleedproof, smooth paper (do not expect your alcohol-based/copic markers, to work with this, however)
  • 5mm dot grid that aligns well across pages
  • Beautiful hardcover design
  • 3 color coordinated satin bookmarks
  • Well constructed material
  • No unnecessary index/key pages
  • Numbered pages
  • Back pocket and pen loop
  • Elastic cover band
Pink Mackerel by Tekukor Notebook Cover

There’s no ghosting or feathering on these expertly aligned pages. The texture is smooth enough to be safe for my brush markers and the cover design is beautiful! I am very happy with my Tekukor journal. Thank you, Pam!

I am not going to include a link here, because my goal is not to make money off of this review, but you can find this notebook on Amazon. I hope that you like it as much as I do!

What Brings Me Joy

The smallest things in life bring me joy;
seeing my husband smile,
hearing my cat greet me at my feet,
the smell of fresh pastries,
and the warmth of a cup of tea.

I love using my hands to create;
beautiful little boxes for tidy drawers,
paper flowers that last forever,
drawing, painting,
crafting, and writing.

I find joy, sometimes bittersweet,
in memories, keepsakes,
and personal treasures that remind me of
a time when I laughed from the heart,
a place where I was filled with wonder,
or a person whom I loved.

Quarantine Life

I’m just tired of you treating me like my father did my mother. I’m tired of you slamming doors and raising your voice at me. You tell me not to take it personally, but how can I not, when I’m the only person around? Quarantine Life brought us closer, so you want to go far … Continue reading “Quarantine Life”

I’m just tired
of you treating me
like my father did my mother.

I’m tired
of you slamming doors
and raising your voice at me.

You tell me not to take it personally,
but how can I not,
when I’m the only person around?

Quarantine Life
brought us closer,
so you want to go far
away from me.

I love you,
but I’m tired.

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